Sabtu, 20 Agustus 2016

How I Moved On from Someone Who Stopped Loving Me

This article is similar with what happened in my live almost a year ago.  God allowed it comes to my live. I didn’t expect it before and never think it before.
If nowdays I find this article, it’s not accidentially. It’s like a mirror to see who and what me currently. He wants me to see who I’m and looking back where’s my soul is gone. 
Hi people who has an heartbreak and feel bitter and pain. Just take time to read it and think when you are standing. Hopefully it will help you to through the bitterness in your live. God bless you all.

It’s difficult to keep chasing someone who has chosen to ‘un-love’ you.
Time truly flies. To me, it feels like everything happened just yesterday, and not eight months ago. I still remember each and everything that took place. During that time, all I could do was cry. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep.
I kept losing weight. The dark circles underneath my eyes became a permanent feature. And instead of resting or trying to divert my mind, I would continue listening to the saddest songs and torturing myself till dawn. I would keep crying until I got tired, and I couldn’t possibly cry any longer. I felt completely lost and out-of-place all the time.
Because I had loved him too much, to a point where nothing was left of me. On some nights, I would continue walking without a specific destination in mind, until I would suddenly find myself in a park near my home.
This park held a lot of significance in my life. It was the place where we shared uncountable memories together, the place where it all started, the place where we used to discuss our hopes and dreams in life.
I would just sit there, aimlessly staring at the happy couple there, who looked like old portraits of us. I would just find a corner and keep seeing his face everywhere. Every single movie, every song, every meal, every place, and pretty much every simple thing made me think of him. 
I would stare at my phone every day, just waiting for his name to appear on the screen somehow, praying that he would call or just send a simple text. And as soon as the doorbell rang, my heart would start racing in the hope that he has come to see me.
I never really saw it coming. And no person that knew us ever thought it could happen. If only I had known, I would have done anything in my power to avoid it. The day he decided to leave was the day he chose to fall out of love with me, and to leave me feeling lifeless.
Denial, bargaining, depression, rage, and finally acceptance- I’ve been through all the stages. I used to deny the fact that he has left me, and that he has thrown away all the amazing memories we had gathered in our years together.
I chased him relentlessly. I kept calling on his number. I sent him several texts. And I even tried to get him to meet me on several occasions. I held on to any chance or ray of hope I could find, but it’s difficult to keep chasing someone who has chosen to ‘un-love’ you.
How could I even fight when I was the only one left fighting? How could I fight if his only wish was to just push me out of his life? I continued to bargain that this relationship would get better as long we showed some strength and patience, as long we worked towards helping each other, and as long as we loved each other. 
I had this belief that our love was strong enough to withstand all the struggles of life. But I was wrong.
Getting through this heartbreak was not an easy task. It was painful because I truly believed that I had found ‘The One’. I couldn’t face the reality that this person who has been such a huge part of my life is now gone- gone with all of our love and dreams.
Every update about his life felt like knife to my heart. A lot of people tried to show their support in this difficult time, but only a few special ones truly stood my by side through it all. It was hard to let go of the person I loved most, but it was even harder to know that he left me without a choice.
Letting go of someone doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the battle. It just means that you’re brave enough to face all the pain.

How did I manage to finally accept everything and move on? You have to feel the pain. You have to fully embrace it. Because at the end of the day, no one can really help you unless you decide to help yourself. I started trying out things that I had never done before. I tried to keep myself busy all the time, just to avoid thinking about the things that brought me pain. I started to write stories. I got enrolled in guitar lessons, something I had always wanted. I started going to the gym and I even travelled alone.
I needed to get back my soul, the soul I had lost in the process of loving him unconditionally. I needed to get refreshed, recharged, and restored. I started reconnecting with the people who had been distanced from my life. And in this journey to rediscover myself, I met some new people along the way. 

I remember questioning God on why He let my heart-break into these tiny little pieces. I prayed for some kind of guidance on what I was supposed to do next. I placed all my trust in Him to lead the way, to get me back to life. This is the time when I finally realized that I had only lost the man I loved, but I was still blessed enough to have my amazing family and friends by my side. I realized that sometimes, people only leave so you can find your own purpose.
Moving on is a complete learning process. Today, as I write about my experience, I have come to accept that it is only difficult in the start. But as the days go by, you start to feel lighter. You even become thankful for the changes it brings to your life. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, but you have to learn to love yourself before deciding to love someone else. If you have loved and lost, don’t be scared of asking for help and support from the ones who still love you. Don’t be scared of living again. And don’t be scared of finding new dreams. Forget the people and things that hurt you, but never let yourself forget the lessons that they left.
When I remember all of it today, it was indeed one of the most painful times of my life. But I’m still thankful that it happened. Because it truly changed me! It made me more mature. It made me stronger. And it made me wiser. Looking back on everything, I am no longer the weak and helpless girl that I used to be. I am someone who believes in herself. I am someone who can smile genuinely with all her heart. I may still be single, but I completely love every single minute of it.
If you are going through a similar experience in life, take this hardship as an opportunity to discover yourself, to make yourself better than you were before, and to be whole again.

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